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You’re enjoying a luncheon after church when all of a sudden something strange happens. The sweet old lady that you have known for years is asking you your name. Or maybe it was the time you called your grandma to say “Happy Birthday” and she asked you, “What’s your daughter’s name?” Or worst yet, have you ever received a phone call from your own mother who was lost on her way back from the grocery store? These unsettling scenarios are all too familiar in today’s society.
According to the 2011 disease facts and figures on the Alzheimer’s Association’s website, symptoms of dementia must include decline in memory and at least one of the following cognitive abilities. Do you have a relative lacking the ability to:
• generate coherent speech or understand spoken or written language;
• recognize or identify objects, assuming intact sensory function;
• execute motor activities, assuming intact motor abilities, sensory function and comprehension of the required task; and/or
• think abstractly, make sound judgments and plan and carry out complex tasks?
Caring full time for a family member with dementia can be a daunting task, especially if there was a rapid onset. As your loved one becomes more estranged, it is crucial you do not let yourself feel resentful or hopeless as these feelings could lead to depression and impact your career. If the caring does get too difficult for you to handle, it is reasonable to reach for help. If it is emotionally wrenching, you may want to consider joining a caregivers’ support group to hear how others are coping
In dealing with my own aging parents, I have found it is important to remember to be sensitive to them as they lose their mobility. As a business owner and a professional singer with a full schedule, I have found that staying sensitive has helped keep our relationship strong and provides all of us with more peace of mind. Prepare yourself for interactions with your loved ones by considering some of the following advice:
• Avoid “parenting your parents.” No matter how frail or ill a parent becomes, they need you more for your love and support. Maybe considering in-home care wouldn’t be such a bad option. Although you’d like to do everything for your loved ones, you cannot help someone else without helping yourself first.
• Do not take away older adults’ freedom to make their own choices. Although they are not capable of making big decisions, without any choices, they might feel hopeless.
• And most importantly, make sure the senior has time to talk and that you have time to listen. Don’t try to talk when they are distracted by wanting to watch their favorite program, and be sure you don’t start an important conversation when you have to walk out the door to a meeting.
One of the most serious issues is how to handle aging parents who are still driving. It is imperative that you watch out for warning signs so you know when he or she should begin to limit driving or stop altogether. A few of these signs include but are certainly not limited to: getting lost in familiar places, almost crashing or frequent “close calls,” and having trouble seeing or following traffic signals, road signs, and pavement markings.
Many people who are driving with dementia will pull up to an intersection and simply sit there, overcome by all the options. Worse, some drivers will just stop for no reason and unfortunately cause an accident or, at the very least, become a target for others’ road rage. When this occurs, they typically have to be rescued by police or someone else who helps them move the car to the side of the road, and then you, the caregiver, get the dreaded phone call.
Imagine how you would feel if you lost the privilege of driving? If your parents are resistant to giving up their keys, it may help to involve a doctor, the DMV, or any person of authority as this might help them understand the severity of the request. You may also want to develop a Transportation Freedom Plan, which identifies for you all the travel your parent does on an average week, what resources are available from friends, relatives, and other resources, and identify gaps where you can possibly provide support with your work schedule. Just remember, once they are unable to drive, they have already lost so much. As one senior in an AAA study summarized, “…Can’t see, can’t hear, can’t walk, but I have my car.”
Even more difficult for professional women is the situation where their parent lives out of the area. Picking up and moving when you have a successful business or good career in this slow economy is just not always an option. The more relationships you build in the hometown of your parents early on, the better position you will be in when you need additional resources.
Caring for a loved one who is aging is not an easy task. Do yourself a favor and use available resources to alleviate some of your burden and ensure the health and well being of your loved one.
Resources:
Robynne Redmon is owner of 5 Star Medical Transport and Senior Car Service and was recently named Entrepreneur of the Year for 2011 in Hampton Roads. For more information, call 757-558-4050.
