I think we are meant to do many things in this life, to have different experiences, and to find new ways to bring ourselves joy. We run into trouble when we get stuck in a loop in which one particular thing becomes so important that we get trapped and there is no way out. We can get stuck in jobs, relationships, or perhaps fulfilling someone else’s dreams instead of our own.

We have to be vigilant in birthing our lives. Sometimes in order to do this we have to make mistakes. I loved it when a friend of mine said his favorite teacher told the class at the start of the semester, “There’s one thing I want you to do; it’s to make mistakes.” That was one smart teacher since he realized that the way we learn a lot of the time is by making mistakes. Mistakes are not really mistakes at all, but simply finding out what we don’t want. In other words, we try something, and if it doesn’t work for us, we try something else.

We get clarity by knowing that we are the culmination of all of our experiences and only we can decide what we want. If we don’t like the experiences we’re having, we simply choose again. The first step in finding out what we want is visualizing our goals. When we have a clear picture of what we want and spend time focusing on it with purity of intention, it comes to us as the universe lines up to accommodate our wishes.

Get a picture in your mind of what you want your life to look like and allow the universe to respond to it. The energy of our thoughts, which is magnetic in nature, helps to bring forth what it is we desire. Life is so full of variety that there is indeed something here for everyone. We just have to find out what it is that brings us joy and take the steps to get there, one step at time.

In the past (and still today in some places) many women were stopped by laws and by society from creating the lives they desired. Today, in most of the world, women have achieved almost equal status with men and can strive for almost any life they want to live. Women can choose to live married lives, single lives, or serial partnership lives.  They can choose to live however they desire without being ostracized or persecuted. Today women are free to pursue and create just about any career that interests them without constraints. They are as free as men to go after high profile careers.

One of the biggest traps we might face in allowing ourselves the freedom to create the lives we want is getting stuck in one loop and feeling that particular path is so important. For example, we may be afraid to leave a job since we feel it’s our security, yet each day we dread going to it and it brings us no joy and no fulfillment. Are we really doing ourselves or the people we contact every day any favors when we feel like that about what we do for a living?

Before we spend years doing something that will shorten our lives we should probably take a thorough inventory and honestly see if the job is serving us and if we are serving the job. No job or career is perfect all of the time, but we should feel good about going to work, at least more often than not.

Staying in relationships—whether they are partnerships or friendships—out of habit or fear is guaranteed to bring us unhappiness. Our interactions with others tell us a lot about ourselves and what we expect out of life. As we grow through life, maybe relationships we had earlier no longer fit us since we all grow in different ways and have different needs.

Perhaps the sneakiest obstacle to living a fulfilled life is choosing a path in order to fulfill someone else’s dreams. Each of us came to earth for a purpose and to feel joy and to fulfill that purpose for which we came. We are here to enjoy everyday life and to have peace of mind. Each person has the choice to create this for herself and shouldn’t live her life in someone else’s shadow.

Take advantage of the variety of life and create the life you want! Life’s waiting!  

Sherry Kulakowski lives and works in Virginia Beach. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it